Final outcome

 These are the changes I will be making to the next and, more than likely, final draft based on the feedback:

A longer pause will be created where needed.

An attempt in fixing the audio will be done for both the clip that was too quiet and the commentary.

The addition of a BBC logo for the intro.

Not being an issue with those who give the draft a go, I would like to replace on my own benefit some of the stock footage with my own.

Then if anything else comes up, that will be dealt with. As for the other suggestions made, I don't believe I will have enough time for that as that was to add rhetorical questions and go more into depth with some of the topics. If a possibility comes up though I will do what I can.

Finished now, here is my second draft:

As said, the BBC logo had been placed. With the addition of the number three written out as it felt wrong to not do so with the brief being for both the BBC and the BBC three. Not taking me long to create what was done, the idea had been spit balled by another as I wasn't sure on what to do exactly.

With the help of that same person, we had went through the first draft and had worked together in pointing out where longer pauses could be used. Maybe not getting every scene that could use the adjusting, but it had been done with a few spots.

Waiting till I had access to the college recording equipment again, all that time spent in rerecording the audio had gone to waste as what I had in mind didn't even work. Hoping if I did so, the new audio would fit in replacing the pieces recorded from my phone without an issue. Unfortunately, there was an issue.

Going for the bits that had to be rerecorded after finding it was missing, a few of the start to the second half of the documentary had also been worked through. Getting as much done as I could in the little time I had, when it has came to the editing for some reason it is a lot quieter compared to what had been recorded first. Rising the volume on those files, it has resulted echoey. So after so much time spent on getting this done, none of it has been used as I find the ones done on my phone sound better alongside the earlier commentary rather than what had been done today. So again, unfortunately the files will have to remain.

Still needing a change to the audio, the quieter half had the volume adjusted from 4.17 turning up to 16.75 becoming much louder for those watching the outcome.

Final changes include shots being re-filmed to replace stock footage, extra audio transitions have been set in place, and a few adjustments in duration were made.